If you’re not a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, you’re missing out. If you’re not a fan of Season Six winner and standout Queen Bianca Del Rio, you’re really missing out.
Los Angeles-based Del Rio, who crashed onto the scene as her season’s comedian with a foul mouth and a heart of gold, was known for her tell-it-like-it-is attitude. She was also the *first* Queen to complete an entire season of Drag Race without ever placing in the bottom during a challenge—and that’s a BIG deal. Since the end of her season in 2014, Del Rio has continued to shine, starring in two films, going on a funny AF comedy tour and, most recently, releasing her own line of vegan and cruelty-free makeup remover. Now, she’s taken her life experiences—and sass—and is doling out advice in her new book, Blame It On Bianca Del Rio: The Expert On Nothing With An Opinion On Everything (HarperCollins, $27). Modelled after advice column “Dear Abby,” Del Rio gives her two cents on everything from dealing with a “Lesbian Death Bed Situation” (being ignored by your partner for technology), to navigating a post-baby vagina, to coming out to your family. But mostly, she talks about sex. A LOT.
The staff here at FLARE had sex and relationship questions of our own, so we called up Del Rio and asked for her no-BS advice—and she did not hold back. Here’s what she had to say.
Q: How do you stay safe from STIs when you want to enjoy casual sex, but also worry about the perception that it’s not “cool” to use condoms for *all* sex activities?
Well, I think that you need to turn it around; turn using condoms into a game. Do something erotic and dress up like a beekeeper and pretend their junk is honeycomb and you need to wrap it up. Or, dress up their package by pretending that [the condom] is a space suit. Be sexy, have fun! Make it a costume party. I mean, I’m a drag queen, any excuse to wear a costume means it’s going to be a good time.
Q: I’m 22 and I’ve slept with 16 people and counting. Should I be concerned with my “number?”
I think 22 is nothing! If you’re 22 and have slept with only 16 people, beef it up, girl! Your number should at least match your age. I think you should be skilled when you go into the world, because by the time you’re 30—when you’re really f-cking and having a good time—you should be good at it! I mean, there’s enough people who have a job for years and are not good at it, so you should be skilled at what you do. Why not have some more sex?
Q: I am so sick of online dating but I can’t seem to meet a decent dude IRL. Where does one find love?
First of all, you’re asking me? A man who wears a wig for a living? I think you need to do it old school. I’m of a certain age where we didn’t have social media [growing up], and we didn’t spend our lives putting in personal info [on dating apps]. I remember going to a bar, getting drunk, waking up the next day next to somebody that I thought was SO cute the night before. Now that is love. That is a relationship, and that’s the way you should do it. You shouldn’t put all your personal stuff out there at the beginning. I mean, where’s the surprise in that? You’re both Libras, you both like movies, that’s kind of lame. I think you should wake up next to somebody completely horrible and disgusting, then create a relationship. Find out what they’re about, find out if they’re sweet, find out if they like movies (face-to-face) and find out if they’re a killer! All of that is important.
Q: My partner and I have sex once a week, but he wants to have more sex than I do. I’m just not as frisky as him! How do I deal with our differing sex drives?
I think it goes back to what are you in a relationship for? For the love, for the spooning, for the cuddling? Come on! Once a week isn’t anything. And remember this, if you’re not f-cking your husband, he’s going to go f-ck someone else. So, I think you should rethink your situation. I think you should keep him happy at home, but you should definitely try to examine what makes you not want to be with him. Make a list of the good and the bad of the whole situation. I don’t think it’s his problem; I think it’s pretty natural to have sex more than once a week, don’t you?
Q: How long should you wait before texting someone you like after a first date? Are there any dating “rules” you swear by?
None at all. I think you should text someone as soon as you want; if you feel the need, text immediately after you leave their house. I’ve been that person where I sit back and think, Why haven’t they texted? There’s so many people in that situation, so you should do what you feel you would want in return. If you enjoy someone’s company, be the first to let them know because it cuts out all the bullshit. You like them, tell ‘em.
Q: My partner doesn’t like to go down on me (no, I’m not dating DJ Khaled), but LOVES when he’s on the receiving end. How do I get him to reciprocate?
First and foremost, any man—well any straight man—usually runs towards the situation. You need to put your cards on the table and tell this dude, ‘Hey! If I gotta go down on you, you gotta go down on me.’ It’s important to say ‘this is how it works.’ Make it fair, make it even. Obviously, when you’re performing something on someone else and they like it, they should reciprocate. Also, let this bitch know that if they don’t do it—as I said before—somebody else will.
You also should make oral fun. I mean, maybe there’s something wrong with your vaginal area, I don’t know, but make it fun. Throw in a Pokemon and say, ‘Go catch it!’ Live outside of the box. Throw in a couple of treats like you do for a dog or put Obama’s birth certificate in there, and say, ‘Go find the truth!’
4 Ways to Make Your Relationship Better, According to a Couples Therapist
Let’s Talk About First Times: An Alternative Look at Sexual Milestones
Here’s What It’s *Really* Like to Be in a Polyamorous Relationship