If you’re reading this, congratulations! You made it to the end of Arie’s season of The Bachelor without having a mental breakdown, and you are *so* close to never having to think about this dude again. Halle–freaking–lujah, amiright? However, before we cross that glorious finish line, we have to talk about last night’s (utterly excruciating) After the Finale Rose Special! Even though Arie’s face pretty much sums up how I feel about this entire episode:
We start things off on the tail end of Arie and Becca’s bust-up. We follow Becca’s plane ride home to Minnesota and all I can think is, ABC couldn’t spring to get this girl a freaking window seat after what she’s just been through?
We’re then tortured for a few more minutes when we’re forced to watch Becca cry as she looks at old photos and videos of her and Arie’s relationship, wondering where it all went wrong. This is straight-up p-a-i-n-f-u-l.
After we’ve seen more than enough damsel in distress footage of Becca, we jump back to Arie—who is now on his way over to Lauren’s house to win her back. This should be interesting boring as hell.
Before Arie knocks on Lauren’s door, he has a panic attack and is all like “why am I dyyyingggg??” Um, maybe because karma’s a bitch with a capital B?
Arie finally musters up the courage to knock on the door and upon opening it, Lauren jumps into his arms as if he *didn’t* just break her freaking heart in Peru a few weeks ago.
She then invites Arie in so they can talk about their relationship. And, after explaining how sad she was when he dumped her, Lauren takes Arie back in like two seconds and very bluntly hints that she’s deffo ready for an engagement. Wow, that was *way* to easy.
Oh and when Lauren asks Arie if he’s over Becca (the girl he literally just dumped) he says, without giving it a second of thought: “Yes, A THOUSAND percent.” Once again Arie, you are TRASH.
OK moving on to the After the Finale Rose special, which TBH, went on for about an hour too long. Chris Harrison invites Bekah M., Seinne, Kendall and Caroline (who seems super eager for airtime if you ask me) to the hot seat to chat about Arie’s decision. They’re clearly all #TeamBecca and #TeamNOTArie, especially Bekah who hopes “Lauren gets out of that as soon as possible.”
Finally, Chris Harrison sends the girls back to their seats and brings the only person we care about hearing from to the stage—Becca. She walks out looking absolutely smokin’ in a little gold dress and I immediately can’t wait for Arie to eat his heart out when he sees her.
Actual footage of me when Becca walked onto the stage:
Chris then invites Arie to join him and Becca in the hot seat and this is where things get particularly boring because we’re basically just talking about everything we watched happen last night.
Arie tells Becca that he regrets proposing to her that day, and then their v. strained conversation ends with Becca—who was full of class and composure throughout the entire thing—saying she forgives Arie, which is infuriating.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world still waiting for Becca to yell and scream at Arie:
Moving on, there is a brief moment where Chris invites Jason Mesnick (the season 13 Bachelor ) and his wife Molly to the stage to talk about what Arie did. But honestly, the entire thing seemed like an unnecessary waste of time (especially at 10:30 pm on a Tuesday) so let’s just skip it. Jason did however make me LOL when he said this:
Finally, it’s time for the couple of the hour to take the stage. And just when you thought things couldn’t get more boring, Arie and Lauren prove us all wrong.
After briefly talking about their perfectly imperfect love story, Chris Harrison tells them that their “passion bucket is still full”—proving that even Chris has no idea what to say to them.
Arie then pulls Lauren off the couch and proposes to her, somehow making it feel even less sincere than his proposal to Becca. She obvi says yes and Arie slips the ring (which I’m hoping is a different one than Becca’s?) on her finger. The crowd hesitantly claps their hands like they might get in trouble if they showed any excitement about this engagement and just like that, Arie and Lauren are officially irrelevant.
And now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for since the start of Arie’s season: Chris Harrison announces the next Bachelorette—Becca! Who saw that one coming!?
Honestly I kind of wanted it to be Tia just because she’s a badass, but no one deserves this more than Becca and I’m supes happy for her. And clearly Bekah M. is too.
Of course, the night can’t just end there and, just like when Rachel was announced as Bachelorette, Becca meets a handful of her future suitors right there on the ATFR stage, including:
Lincoln, my personal fave who—in his singsong British accent—called Arie a “wanker:”
Chase, who has whiter teeth than Ross Geller in that one episode of Friends:
Just to compare…
Ryan, a total hottie with dimples and a banjo:
And last but not least, Blake. He brought a horse:
And that is a wrap! See you all back here in May to watch Becca find (hopefully) everlasting love on The Bachelorette! And to Arie, I just have one last thing to say:
And that’s a wrap for Season 22 of The Bachelor! Join us back here on May 29 as we kick off coverage of Becca’s season of The Bachelorette, complete with Sharleen Joynt’s always on-point recaps and more!